the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
don't judge my taste in strippers
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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