hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
