My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
