First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
It's just like the Real World with babies
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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