this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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