Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
