Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
