The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
