So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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