Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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