You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
