maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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