Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
