I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
