I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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