My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
