Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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