I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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