If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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