Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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