There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So vagazzling was a success
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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