I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
