creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
