DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
This is classic penis vs brain.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
