is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
