Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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