Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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