He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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