I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
