I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
