If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
