if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
