i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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