So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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