OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
