oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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