my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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