at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
