singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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