and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
