Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
