Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
