my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize