Please, let me fuck your mom
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
love makes seman taste better
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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