I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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