Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
