hotel room ftw
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Randomize
