so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
