Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize