why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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