Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
