I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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