Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
