Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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