Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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