are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
