If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
