Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
