I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
