I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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