Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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