Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Randomize
