my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize