I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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