I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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