Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
