i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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