Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
