I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
