it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
it was like having sex with a tree stump
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
