I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
