I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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