so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
