so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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