Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
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I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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