Don't make out with my wife yet
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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