If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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