Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
