it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
