can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
