Moan for me like Helen Keller
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
