I CAN MOONWALK!
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
