On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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