Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
