Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
