when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
