i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It's blow job season.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
