she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize