I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
