I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
