i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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