$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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