And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
