oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
