pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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