Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
