The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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