Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize