We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
