Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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