Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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