Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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