If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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