ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
