Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
