My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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