So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize