god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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